when i was walking home with jess i looked up at the sky and had the weird feeling that i'd look back on this moment and yearn for it.

Day 3

Dr. Palmer bowed for me.

!!!!!!

Day 4

Alex: "You're too pretty to have a life in shambles."

Alex:  "Art is the point of life."
me: "Oh man."
me: "Without that I'm nothing."
Alex: "That's why I like you."

Day 5

I didn't sleep until 10:30 in the morning.

Liz Wiley was genuinely impressed tonight after the show.

I finally feel happy again.

why do we want men to jump through hoops for us?  why do they have to pass ridiculous tests we intentionally put out for them?  to see if they're *really* worth our approval?  then why do we feel impelled to throw even more tests out there if they pass the first ones? 

for that matter, why do some people try to manipulate how someone feels about them by making them feel guilty, when they were sort of the ones at fault in the first place?

okay i'm getting off my soapbox.  i just want to be able to enjoy my life  without worrying if my relationships are how they're supposed to be.   no people are exactly like each other, so let's stop expecting them to be.

i'm done now.  i promise!

very good things:
FINALLY being done with that stupid paper
so close to break i can taste it
wonderful family and friends :)
mom's cookies
free coffee
bff living in my dorm next semester!!!!

well scratch writing off the list because apparently i can't do that either

" I restore myself when I'm alone. A career is born in public - talent in privacy." -Marilyn Monroe

it was a lovely party and my room was a great place to have it and everyone had a great time and during and afterwards and presently i was and am invisible.

sometimes i feel so trapped/anxious/repressed that i want to explode. 

Loudly.  Violently.  Beautifully.

you are looking at their surface.  the inside is probably totally different.  and more like your own.

it's a bird it's a plane it's a!

this has been one of the most fun experiences of my life and i love you all and OH MY GOD WE OPEN TOMORROW!

Kiss the boys as they walk by, call me their baby.
But little do they know, I'm just a maybe.

i always try too hard to cling.

and it never works.

i never knew i'd be so thankful that a cute boy didn't pick up the phone.

and i have no idea why.

today has been an off day and i really have no idea why.  i woke up happy.  like, really genuinely perfectly happy.  and nothing happened to change that, but my mood just kind of fell into neutral on its own. this weekend was so fantastic, but it made me want to live in a city, but if i go to one i'll probably get really freaked out. 

hung out with sarah and ned and played scrabble.  came up with the longest words on the board and LOST.  i defect against the board game gods.

everybody's got boy drama but me.  i'm boring.  i get so mad at people who freak out thinking having a guy is the epitome of a fulfilled existence, and yet i get lonely.  this is a really crappy conundrum.  do i get points for alliteration?

this is also the best thing ever.
( man cure )

really good things:
-friends turning 21 at the same time
-huge parties for said friends
-gorgeous apartments with gorgeous views of the city
-shopping!!!!
-having enough food to feed a family for a year
-tequila sunrise
-forever 21
-iced coffee
-summer!

i called bruce hornsby's mom last night.  and sam sadler, only he didn't pick up.

i also saw ratatouille, and it was adorable, if slightly too long.

swing dance tonight! hurray!

if i can ever write anything that is a fraction as beautiful as Lolita, i may finally achieve that ever-elusive state of novelist nirvana.

i was looking at this new site for American Apparel, and they actually have on sale a pair of gold lame shorts.  i really thought when i clicked on them a big sign was going to come up saying "JUST KIDDING!"  but no.  they're real.  and terrifying.

this is my deep insight for tonight.